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Coffee Wars vi: Official Announcement

This is the full text of the official announcement that marked the commencement of CoffeeWars 6. For what it's worth.

How are you planning to spend the hour from 10:00AM-11:00AM (PDT)
of Friday 29 July 2005?

For serious and right-thinking folk, there can be only one answer:
"I will be at DefCon, and I plan to devote myself entirely to
CoffeeWars VI."

That's right: another Coffee War.  The excitement is back, the
staff is preparing the materials, and the judges are eager to
determine which hacker's coffee is the best, and (thereby)
which hacker stands steamy head and jittery shoulders above
the rest.

So alert your senses, and select your beans carefully: many wonders
await those who are called to follow the Way of the Bean.

ATTENTION COFFEE WARRIORS!

  Coffee glory awaits to be taken in such abundance as may
  never occur again.  Reputation and fame enough to establish
  an individual for a lifetime, with the prize awarded at the
  DefCon closing ceremony.

                        Coffee Wars VI
                Of three pots and two grinders
              At a table in the Athena Ballroom

  Presents an uncommonly fine opportunity for recognition
  of the brew that you personally hold so dear.  The Coffee
  Wars Staff commands this event, and the sooner you enter
  the better.

  None need apply but motivated contestants, able to bring
  8oz (minimum) of eligible coffee beans.  Only one entry
  per person, please.

Stand at attention, then, and let us read the Articles of Coffee
War!

1. If any staff member, judge, entrant, or other person of the
   Coffee War, shall give, offer, or enter decaf, every such
   person so offending, and being thereof convicted by the
   sentence of the staff, shall be punished with humiliation
   and disgrace.
   NO FREAKING DECAF.

2. All entries, and all coffees whatsoever, that shall come, or
   be found, in the Coffee War, to be ground in some manner prior
   to entry, whether it be finely or coarsely, shall suffer
   disqualification.
   WHOLE BEANS ONLY.

3. Every person in the Coffee War, who through cowardice,
   negligence, or disaffection, shall in time of action submit
   flavored beans, every such person so offending, and being
   convicted thereof by the sentence of staff, shall be covered
   in mockery and shame.
   NO FLAVORED BEANS.

4. No person in the Coffee War shall receive an entry or bean,
   grinder, pot, filter, jug of water, or any other supplies
   whatsoever, directly or indirectly, without prior arrangement
   with the staff at the time when such items are offered up.
   WANT TO SEE YOUR STUFF EVER AGAIN?  TELL US BEFORE, NOT AFTER.

5. If any person in or near the Coffee War shall ask questions
   of the staff or judges, quizzing them with inquisitive requests
   for information, opinion, facts, or conjecture, that person
   shall, upon being convicted thereof, suffer such punishment
   as the offence shall deserve, and the staff shall impose.
   NO QUESTIONS, JUST FULLY CAFFIENATED COMBAT.

6. All other crimes not capital committed by any person or
   persons in the Coffee War, which are not mentioned in this act,
   or for which no punishment is hereby directed to be inflicted,
   shall be punished by the laws and customs in such cases used
   at Coffee War.
   SHRDLU > YOU.

With these points, and with wishes for a spirited and decisive
engagement, we have the honor to be, etc.

The CoffeeWars Staff
The Athena Room, Defcon.

To any dorkwads who think they'll be able to swing by and help
themselves to coffee, or whatever: leave us alone, you dweebs!
Once the judges have judged, and once the remaining brew has
been shared with the contestants and maybe a few other key
personalities, then others can have some.  Maybe.

Likewise, the field of battle is often crowded.  If you are
planning to enter, it is advisable to let us know (for example,
drop an "e" mail to foofus at foofus dot net) in advance so that
we reserve a pot for you.

Finally, a note on punctuality: we strive to accept all entries,
but it's important that we get yours at the start of the contest,
rather than, say, halfway through it.  So, for instance, if you are
on your way to CoffeeWars with your entry, and are crossing the
street, and are caught up in a collision between two vehicles, and
trapped so that the emergency crews have to use the Jaws of Life
to extract you from the twisted metal, do not loiter around until
your whole body is freed from the wreckage: HAND YOUR ENTRY OUT
FIRST.  We understand that acts of God may interfere with absolute
promptness, but we can make no guarantees.  So if you are late,
and we can't take your coffee, and you get all sad about that,
you are truly a buttmunch.  Better just to be on time.

NB: CoffeeWars vi is superior to CoffeeWars emacs.
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