Coffee Wars vi: The Complete Story

Phew! We're tired, or busy, or something. Somehow this year, in spite of our very bestest and most honorable intentions, there was a waft of lethargy in the air as CoffeeWars approached. We kicked around the idea of making more shirts, and actually produced some draft artwork, but never really mustered the enthusiasm to get them made (no point in doing it for just 10 shirts or so). We didn't get our announcement out till more or less the last minute (my fault), and we fumbled with submitting materials to the con program (probably my fault also).

But somehow, it all still happened. The right people showed up in the right place at the right time, and we commenced the war. There was the usual pre-war cup of coffee, just to take the edge off the morning, and then we began. Bean after bean, sip after sip, the judges held their disposable Starbucks cups in their ever-more-trembling hands (Shrdlu had somehow "liberated" these cups from whatever place they were found, and rededicated them to this new superior purpose).

Sadly, we did have to turn some people away. Two of them, and both at the very end of the contest (we had tried to be as clear as possible that we needed entries at the start of the contest, not the end). They both took it well, but it was a sad duty to deny them entry.

We didn't get a chance to give coffee to either DT or Priest this year, whereas last year they both had somehow managed to stop by. Alas, perhaps next time.

Oh, and Rob wasn't there. While this is far from unusual, it's worth mentioning, just because it gets him riled up.

But the war was fun! The judges were (in no order):

  • Etaoin Shrdlu
  • Dog
  • Lucid
  • Lucid's pal Greg
  • Dr. Vann Harl
  • Gurney Halleck
And judge they did! They downed 3.5 gallons of coffee (with some small amount being distributed to those entrants who were able to hang around). They cast over 750 votes. They got a good buzz on.

Additional (non-judging) support for the contest was provided by MadHat, Sweetypig, and Foofus.

For the last two years, Dr. Vann Harl had generously donated the prize for CoffeeWars. This year, Shrdlu decided to make the donation (way to go, Shrdlu!). In a remarkable coincidence (and seriously, that's all it was!), this worked out well, since Vann Harl's entry turned out to be the winner.

And thus, CoffeeWars vi ground to a halt. Get it, "ground?" Yeah. The awards were presented at the final ceremony. One or two fascinating updates were issued to the DefCon Info Booth. The gear was packed up and taken home to the Fortress of Brewing by Dog and Shrdlu. And the inevitable pleas for results started coming in. As always, I've been slow, but nice things take time, and hopefully you're not too disappointed reading this.

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